A baby boy is frightened of noisy, battery- operated toys, learns to read very early. Another child, a girl, never plays with dolls and prefers being outdoors. A shy boy, late in learning to talk and read, loves playing with his toy trucks. A little girl loves to play with her dolls and her girlfriends. An artistic little boy dislikes rough play and is particular about what he wears to kindergarten.

These five children are siblings who grew up in a loving and stable family. They are all alike in some ways, yet very different in others. Your child may be very much like you, or quite different. He or she may be as similar to his or her siblings as peas in a pod, or delightfully original. After passing through the usual stages of childhood in the same family situation, the five children described here are now grown: the first is a lawyer, the second a doctor, the third a leader in outdoor recreation, the fourth works in publishing, and the fifth, an enthusiastic outdoorsman, is still in college.

We are members of a parents' organization that helps others understand one particular aspect of diversity among our children. It's something that at least ten percent of all children discover about themselves - that they are emotionally and physically attracted to people of their own gender.

After drawing on several resources, including the works of many scientists and doctors, we have come to accept and understand that our gay, lesbian and bisexual children are simply the way they are; that they come from all kinds of backgrounds; that they did not choose to be gay and that they cannot change the way they are.

...Returning to the five children described at the beginning, can you determine which may have grown up to be members of the invisible and ignored ten percent of our population in America? Even their own parents could not tell! Informed parents, even of very young children, should be aware that it is possible for them, as it was for us, to have a gay child.

...It is important that people who parent or work with children know something about homosexuality. Adults should not allow name-calling, teasing or other destructive behavior to occur. If they believe a child might be gay, they should assure that child that he or she is worthy of respect and love.

Clearly, we cannot hope to change overnight all of the many negative attitudes toward homosexuality that still exist. We understand that the subject is scary and sensitive. What most of us believe about homosexuality comes from bad movies, cruel jokes and idle gossip. Many of us may lack contact with self-identified, affirming gay people.

Nonetheless, when adults fail to recognize that some children may be gay, or when they talk about homosexuality only in derogatory terms, children conclude that they are bad, worthless and alone. We want you to realize that these children do exist, and they may be suffering feelings of despair and isolation, so much so that they may feel like taking their own lives.

We love our children the way they are. We have come to understand that their sexual orientation is just one part of the whole child. And, secure in that knowledge, we look not to change our children but to change society's negative attitudes so that our children may grow into healthy, whole adults.

We believe our children have the same rights as other children. This includes the right to be free from the kind of verbal and physical harassment that makes every day at school an exercise in survival. They are entitled to a heritage free of unchallenged discrimination and crippling self-hatred. They're entitled to information from people trained to understand them and to affirm their dignity and worth.

It is our hope that by sharing our experiences and insights, we can help make this world a safer and more welcoming place for these children and for all children.

By the way, of the five children described at the beginning, the first is gay and the fourth is lesbian. They grew up in the same family, with heterosexual siblings and parents, who knew little about homosexuality.